💞 Just messaged you, sweetheart — waiting for your reply 😘👇👇

Growing up as the child of immigrants often means living between worlds—balancing two cultures, two languages, and two sets of expectations. For me, that’s meant constantly questioning where I belong: Am I too American? Do I look Brown enough? Is my Spanish the “right” kind? These inner conflicts can bring shame, self-doubt, and a sense of disconnection from one’s cultural roots.

These are exactly the struggles that Sahaj Kaur Kohli, a licensed therapist and author of But What Will People Say? Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures, explores in her work. Kohli—who also founded the online community Brown Girl Therapy—creates a much-needed space for children of immigrants who often feel caught between competing values. Her book blends memoir and self-help, weaving her personal story with therapeutic insights to help readers better understand their identities, relationships, and emotions.

Raised in Virginia by Indian, Sikh parents, Kohli grew up feeling torn between the collectivist values of her family—prioritizing community, family reputation, and duty—and the individualistic ideals of Western culture that emphasize personal independence and self-expression. Her book explores this tension and offers a compassionate roadmap for others facing similar struggles.

---

“But what will people say?”

Kohli explains that the book’s title came directly from her parents’ reaction when she decided to start therapy.
“They were worried about what others would think,” she says. “At the time, it was painful, but now I understand their perspective. In many immigrant families, imperfection is seen as failure—and that fear of judgment is deeply tied to cultural survival.”

She adds that this constant worry about others’ opinions isn’t weakness—it’s a learned strategy for belonging in collectivist cultures. “We grow up putting family and community first. So, worrying about what people think becomes a way to stay accepted and safe,” Kohli explains.
For her, that meant never feeling fully enough—not Indian enough in one setting, too American in another. The book’s title captures this lifelong tug-of-war between expectations and authenticity.

---

Writing as healing

When asked why she made the book so personal, Kohli admits it wasn’t easy.
“Writing it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” she shares. “I had to relive painful memories, face parts of myself I wanted to ignore, and regulate a lot of difficult emotions.”

But she also saw the process as healing—and necessary. As a therapist, Kohli felt that many self-help books failed to reflect her experience or the experiences of people from immigrant backgrounds. “So many of them are written from a Western, individualistic lens,” she explains. “I wanted to create something that felt more inclusive—something that integrates collectivist values like family, duty, and community.”

She also wanted to break away from the “expert voice” that dominates self-help writing. “I’m not here to tell people what to do,” she says. “I’m only an expert on my own life. My goal was to guide readers through my story so they could take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.”

---

Ultimately, But What Will People Say? is more than a memoir—it’s a conversation about identity, healing, and belonging. Kohli invites readers to explore how family expectations shape their mental health and how they can redefine self-care in culturally grounded, compassionate ways.

Through her honesty and vulnerability, she shows that reconciling multiple identities isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about embracing the full spectrum of who we are.